i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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