He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
