So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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