no. you can't hotbox the world.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
