SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
