hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
