im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am naked and annoyed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
