Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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