so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
