Already got asked if we're dating
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
