Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I could have mohawked her pubes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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