Christians are straight up FREAKS
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
