I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
