I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
