i think i have herpe
just one?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
