So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
