Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
