Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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