He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
