please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
