Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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