I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
