So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
