K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
