Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
