you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
