Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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