wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
