My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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