Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
