Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
