have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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