apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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