btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
