4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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