Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
