peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
tell me about the eggs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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