My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I puked a lego.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
