Too much gin, very little bucket
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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