dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dicks are not precious.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
