I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
