i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
