I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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