Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
