sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
