look no pants
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Bring me that man meat
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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