All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
