I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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