I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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