You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
